Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
