People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
