He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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