So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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