dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
