You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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