why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
