Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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