she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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