her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She needs sedatives and a leash
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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