arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
