I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
