she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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