well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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