My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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