Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
