I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I came so hard my ears popped.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
