that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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