im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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