so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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