His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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