I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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