Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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