PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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