went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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