you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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