i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
