Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
