Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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