I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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