the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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