you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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