i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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