Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize