You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
