Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
