Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
