After last night, I could never be a politician.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
