Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
