I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
