New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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