Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
