hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
