Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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