Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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