people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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