Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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