You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
