Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
