mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
