I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
