I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
