The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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