mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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