Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
