im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
