I think i peed on brittanys purse
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
