if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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