Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
