yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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