Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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