Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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