3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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