did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
