garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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