the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
