took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
