Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
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i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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