i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
