Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
