great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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