He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
