i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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