I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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