tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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