i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize