my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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