She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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