I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will be naked everywhere
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
