oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
