we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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