She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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