$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
